Bullies Zapped in the First Quarter

Bullies in the Bully Zapper Mentor Program at our school are happy to be zapped by the end of the first quarter. They have not received any office referrals and they have passing grades - maybe for the first time in their school career. Many of their victims are happy too that they have had a quiet quarter where they could focus on their schoolwork and be a kid instead of defending themselves against the bullies.

Two eighth grade girls are just a few of our super success stories. Both have excellent mentors. One of the girls has had the same mentor for 2 years and the other, actually the bigger bully, has only been in the program for 9 weeks!

“Susie” came from a family of bullies and was headed in the same direction with numerous office referrals, failing grades and a definite reputation as a school bully. “Janie” was feared by many students and got very close to several physical fights. She left our school for a quarter in 7th grade and then returned. Believe me, everyone knew she was back!

Susie began working with a mentor in 7th grade and gradually she began to change her goals. I realized that this year as a school counselor I stopped hearing their names every day. And as middle school students are so famous for, some of the current bullies tried to engage them in fights by spreading rumors about them. They would not engage with them. When they got wind of these rumors, they told their mentors or the counselors, and listened to the advice of their mentors.

You know how hard rumors are for middle school students to resist. But after much talking to them by their mentors, the pull for the positive became stronger. They were able to ignore the rumors and as rumors are, if they are not fed they die. And these did.

We are continuing to reinforce the positive with these 2 by giving them leadership roles. They lead our class meetings in grades 6, 7, and 8. And, they are being featured in a bulletin board for students who are now making good choices.

Paula McCoach has been in public education for 23 years. She has been a school counselor for the past 10 in an alternative school and an elementary/middle school in Maryland. She has spearheaded mentor programs, Character Education initiatives, & Bully awareness. For more information, send an email to coach@bullyzapper.com
or visit http://www.bullyzapper.com

©2004 Permission granted to reprint this article in print or on your web site so long as the paragraph above is included and contact information is provided to the email.

Parenting a Troubled Teen

Parenting a troubled teen can be trying, even for the most patient parent, but
imagine how scary it is for the teen. During adolescence, a child may feel like his
world is crumbling down around him. Everything is changing: his body, hormones,
emotions, worldview and others’ expectations of him. Understandably, this is a
stressful time. Like adults, teens react to stress in different ways: by withdrawing,
becoming angry or depressed, acting out or attempting to anesthetize the pain
through drugs or alcohol. Below are some tips for helping your teen navigate the
rough waters of adolescence.

Three Tips for Parenting a Troubled Teen

• Troubled teens often feel alienated from their families and society. This can be
  a symptom of earlier family dysfunction. Maybe there was a disconnect between
  parent and child that happened earlier and was never healed. Although you may
  regret the way you’ve raised your child, it is never too late to create a strong
  connection. Of course, it is easier to forge a strong attachment with
  a younger child, than with an older one, but do it now. Commit to creating a strong
  connection with your teen, even though, initially, you will probably be rejected.

• Connect to your teen via his interests. What does your child love to do? Find a
  way to engage him in the activities he loves. This doesn’t just mean buying him
  tickets to a concert, so he can attend it with his friends. Connection is about being
  there and engaging your teen, not sending him off on his own. For example, take
  your teen to a music store, let him pick out his favorite music and go home and
  listen to it together. When I say “listen,” I mean share fully in the experience. Find
  out what it is about this music that speaks to him. In this way, you connect to him
  via what he loves, through the things, ideas and experiences that lift and enervate
  his soul. This is deep stuffconnections always are.

• Set aside your ego and your need for adult authority as often as you can. Your
  teen, though troubled, is on his way to becoming your peer. Treat him with respect.
  Although he may be misguided, he is taking the first stepstruggling to know
  himself and find his place in the world. Help him, guide him, be open. Have
  compassion. Be there. Share stories of your adolescent struggles that are
  appropriate to what your teen is going through.

  When you must exert your power as an authority, wield it wisely and only in the best
  interests of your child. If your teen is acting in ways that endanger himself or
  others, seek the help of a qualified professional. Don’t hand your child over and
  make him someone else’s problem, rather, engage him fully in the journey of
  transformation from a child into an adult.

Laura Ramirez is the author of the multiple award-winning book, Keepers of
the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting - this parenting book combines
ancient native principles (such as stewardship) with heart-centered
psychology to teach parents how to raise children to develop their strengths
and unfold their spiritual nature. More than just a book on parenting, it
shows how parenting is a path of personal growth for child and parent.

Laura is also the publisher of Family Matters Online Parenting Magazine which
offers insights into the core issues today’s parents face. She lives with her
husband and children in the Northern Nevada foothills. Laura teaches online
parenting classes and is available for interviews and speaking engagements.